The new year can be filled with mixed emotions - the excitement of all the possibilities of a fresh start coupled with the disappointment of realizing you did not in fact accomplish that goal you’ve been recycling for the past five years. If that sounds like you, just know you are definitely not alone. Statistics say only 8% to 9% of people who make new year resolutions actually achieve them! (Read that again). So what’s the issue? Why do so many people have good intentions for their new year, but fail to follow through? While there are a combination of factors undercutting one’s ability to reach the goals they’ve set out for themselves, the most commonly missed is the pre-work. Yes, there are questions and steps you should take before moving forward with your objectives for the year. So before you buy that Ninja juicer or sign up for that membership, I have three tips to help you refine your 2025 new year resolutions (and any other goals you decide to set throughout the year).
Tip #1: Lay Out Your Life’s Limits: There are some (maybe even many) components in your life that are outside of your control. For starters, you only have 24 hours in a day and once you calculate sleep, necessities like eating, and working, half of that time is gone. You also have a finite amount of energy and attention within the day. There is even an additional layer of personal factors that place restrains or parameters around your life. For example, while I would love to prioritize getting 8 hours a night, the way my almost 2-year old is set up that is just not going to happen. So what do these restrictions have to do with goals? Our job is to ensure we do not require something of ourselves through our goals or intentions that the limitations of the current season of our life or our humanity makes unattainable. We have to be both aware of and honest about what is possible for how our life is currently set up. When you sit down to create your goals, identify all the barriers that may prevent you from reaching your goals. You want to have an idea up front about what may stop you so you can put guardrails in place to keep you on track. If you find barriers that are outside of your control, I would encourage you to really sit with it and consider how you might alter your goal or hold off moving forward with it until a more appropriate season of your life.
Tip #2: Evaluate Your Everyday Self: Often the person sitting down to write goals in her new planner with her new pen on December 29th, enjoying post Christmas vibes and eggnog is a different version of you. She is the version ready to take on a new day and full of hope for what is to come. She is usually not the same version that shows up on a random day in June at 4:30PM, irritated at her coworkers, hungry and overwhelmed. That version probably is not interested in anything she wrote in her planner on Dec 29th- that’s if she even remembers where she put it. It is also more likely than not the everyday you has habits, values, and/or a mindset that is counter to or even in opposition to the goals set at the top of the year. The goals we create for the new year are often written on the back of excitement about a very big natural reset and while swept up by that energy we forget about our everyday self - the one that does not get up at 6am to go the gym even though you’ve been paying for the membership for the past six months. Knowing yourself, what makes you tick, why you do or don’t do certain things, is necessary because you are then able to see if the specific things you say you want can be supported by your current habits, values and mindset. So take time to identify and write down your current habits and values and set them next to your goals. If you find that there is a misalignment with who you are now and what you want, you need to hold off on moving forward with the goals and start doing work on the internal stuff first. Also, be curious about goals that you find you want, but are hesitant to write down - there may be some mindset blocks that need to be resolved first.
Tip #3: Count the Cost: We can have it all, just not at the same time. Why? Because saying “yes” and completely leaning into one thing means you are inadvertently saying “no” and leaning out of another thing (*refer back to Tip #1). I think we have all experienced this in some way. For example, you get a promotion, which comes with more pay (yay!), but also more work, which means spending more time working (blah!). Now instead of getting home at 6pm to watch Netflix while you talk to your best friend, you are still in the office trying to wrap up the day. Is what you say you want worth what you may lose or have to give up? I can hear someone saying, “Yes, yes - take it. I will pay whatever.” And I am sure there are many goals you would easily and freely give all your time, money and energy to to reach that goals, but as a psychologist for almost a decade, I have found that the cost most people don’t account for is comfort. Doing things differently or spending time in an area that is unfamiliar often takes a toll that people misjudge. So after you’ve written your goals, write out what you might lose, what will you have to sacrifice, what you are saying no to, in order to move towards that goal - and honestly decide if you can pay that cost consistently.
Every year does not have to be a hamster wheel of wanting the same thing, but only working towards it the first two weeks. Information online will make you think creating your goal using a specific format like a smart goal or performance goal is the answer, and while having structure for your goal is needed, it isn't the solution. It’s you - you have to be in the right mental, emotional and sometimes literally physical space to reach your goals. Wanting it bad enough is good momentum, but it won’t necessarily see you through. So do the pre-work, ask the tough questions - you may find that 2025 isn’t going to be about working towards anything external, it may be about focusing on the work you have to do within yourself. And that okay. Just a final word: don’t be discouraged if you fail, the new year comes once a year, but a new start happens daily.
Oh and yes, I created a mini workbook for you that lays out all of the steps I talked about today so click HERE and look for the document titled: Goal Foundations: Your Goal Setting Pre-Work Workbook
If you have any questions, would like to work with me or have specific topics you’d like for me to cover in upcoming blogs please contact me at drffisher@wellredefined.com.
Until next time, be blessed and don’t forget about yourself!
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